December 2007
9 posts
Freudian Slippers →
Classic Spaced
Daisy: You're afraid of dog's aren't you?
Tim: I had a minor phobia as a kid
Daisy: How minor?
Tim: I had to have counseling
Daisy: Really?! Sorry.
Tim: She said I have Caniphobia. I was seven years old and I thought 'great, now I'm frightened of bamboo aswell'.
Daisy: How many times did you go?
Tim: Three or four. Started to work. I remember she said to me 'You've got about as much chance of being struck by lightning as you have of being bitten by a dog.'
Daisy: So, what's the problem?
Tim: Well, I was leaving the practice one day feeling well adjusted and happy when this fucking great alsation just came hareing down the road towards me, jaws slung with bloody slather, eyes lit by the fires of Hades own eternal damned kingdom. It leapt into the air. I remember thinking 'This is it. I'm seven years old and this is the end.' Fortunately, Lady Luck was smiling at me that day.
Daisy: What happened?
Tim: I got struck by lightning.
Daisy: What?!
Tim: It hurt, but it scared the shit out of the dog, so...
Daisy: So now you're scared of dogs and lightning?
Tim: And bamboo.
I was on my lunch break yesterday and drove to Mcdonalds with Harry. The drive-thru was a bit packed because it was Saturday lunchtime and so the McDonalds people were rushing about between the cars taking orders and throwing bags with straws and napkins in at bewildered drivers. The order boy ran up to my car and hurredly shouted ‘CANITAKEYOURORDER’ to which I felt rushed and blurted...
On the back of 'Newman's own balsamic vinaigrette'
Note: ‘Newman’ is Paul Newman, the Hollywood actor. I don’t know why he has his own brand of vinaigrette. ‘LEGEND: In 1602, in Modena, two brothers of the Vinegar clan, Balsa and Mick, due to a piddling insult, duelled to their deaths. Their grieving mother, Violetta Vinegar, who was pressing a new grape from their vineyard, named it in their memory- Balsa-Mick Vinegar....
I AM A RETARD
I got paid today. Joy! I was expecting £400, but only £360 came through because i am not a student at the moment so the taxman is on me like the hug a mug arm creature thing. God I hate that thing. Also, saving for this round the world trip means that £250 instantly left my account and was saved. I also stashed a bit away to pay my phone bill and car insurance at the end of the month. All in all,...
Finding out what your siblings want for christmas...
yarmes_sucks says:
just out of curiosity, for absolutely no reason at all, what size t shirts do u wear?
Halal... is it meat you're looking for? says:
pahaha
Halal... is it meat you're looking for? says:
errm small or medium
yarmes_sucks says:
okies coolo
yarmes_sucks says:
just doin a, er, survey
yarmes_sucks says:
school work you see
Halal... is it meat you're looking for? says:
ahh of course
My Boss, during a speech on customer service
(customer tries to get into the store but the door is locked. Dave opens it)
Dave: I'm sorry, but we're not open yet
Customer: But it's 10 o'clock!
Dave: I know, but we're doing some staff training, so none of the tills are assigned and we're not ready to open. I'm really sorry.
Customer: Well how long are you going to be?
Dave: 15 minutes tops.
Customer: What do you expect me to do? Stand here in the rain?
Dave: I don't know. I'm sorry, but we can't let you in yet.
Customer: Right, I want the number of your head office!
Dave: ...Oh fuck off (locks door) So, customer service...
