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Crazy JJB Lady

I have an induction session booked at the gym tomorrow. Yes, me in a gym, har har very funny I know. I like doing exercise, it makes my brain work more, but I get very little at the moment, so gym it is! With this in mind, I needed to buy some gymwear so I look my best when I’m pumping these guns.

I left it very late in the day to go to town. People who follow this blog, or my twitter, or just me generally, will know that I have a crippling, intangible addiction to Deal or No Deal. I decided that I could just about make it into town and back for 4 o’clock, in time to settle down with a cup of tea, so off I went.

I popped into JJB Sports in the Priors. I hadn’t been in there in years and it felt like it hadn’t changed one bit; like it was frozen in the early naughties. I picked out some shorts and a t-shirt that wouldn’t provoke derision. I then picked out the first pair of trainers that the zombie staff member pointed to. He also directed me to the ankle socks next to the counter.

As I looked at the socks for a moment, a particularly obnoxious woman was shouting at the till. She looked about seventy and wore a bright pink coat that made her look like a big marshmallow. A staff member had grabbed a backpack off a high shelf for her and was putting it through the till. She shouted something like, ‘I NEED MY CUP OF TEA!’

I waited in the queue and heard her shout again, this time it was: ‘I haven’t got ALL DAAAAAY!’ She absolutely belted this last bit, but the staff just looked amused rather than shocked. She then kicked up a fuss about the large carrier bag being too big, and the small carrier bag being too small. The staff explained that there was no medium size and she stormed out.

I walked to the same till and said ‘Aw, she seemed nice!’ The girl at the till chuckled and said that she was in every day. Some days she would be nice and jokey, some days she would explode like that. Most days she buys a backpack, then cuts off the straps and donates it to a charity shop.

What a nutter, I thought.

‘Yeah, and she goes on about how she needs to get home at 4 o’clock for some reason, and needs her tea,’ the till girl said.

I suddenly understood her craziness. Godspeed, old lady. I too am inexplicably drawn into Noel Edmonds’ arms every afternoon.