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The Perfect Exam

I have two exams sitting between me and the completion of my English degree. This Friday and next Thursday, I have to venture into the sports hall for three hours each, and blitz papers on nineteenth century and modernist literature, respectively. Then it’s all over.

I have been working for my exams, but a law of revision is that everything is more interesting. Considering all of these ‘more interesting’ pursuits that I have been engaged in, I have constructed the perfect exam paper which I would like to encounter.

Construct an argument in response to TWO of the following questions.

1. Discuss which is the best season of ONE of the following TV series: ‘The Wire’, ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’, ‘Arrested Development’, ‘30 Rock’.

2. Is ‘Deal or No Deal’ helped or hindered by the presence of Noel Edmonds?

3. What is the best possible method for making an omelette? Discuss with reference to your preferred toppings.

4. ‘Consistent grammatical errors should be punishable by law.’ Discuss.

5. Which is funnier: Failblog, I can has cheezburger or Damn you autocorrect? Construct your answer in context of cuteness, lolz and meme success rate.

6. ‘It doesn’t matter if Blackpool are relegated or not this season; I’ve just enjoyed watching Ian Holloway’s angry face.’ Discuss.

7. Which is better: Twitter or Facebook?

8. FUCKS SAKE WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYINGLY HARD, SUPER MEAT BOY?

9. Will any TV shows ever fill the void left by Lost and 24? You may want to consider the values of recent shows such as Being Human, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who and Game of Thrones.

10. ‘Of all Jupiter’s moons, Europa is the best at crossword puzzles. Except Friday’s. But that is the hardest one of the week. Excuses’ (The King of All Cosmos, Beautiful Katamari). Discuss.

11. Discuss the role of art within nineteenth century literature.

That last one is to show that I have actually done some work, and afterall, it’s an English exam!

Anyway, wish me luck!