Text

‘Do you wanna play a mildly annoying game?’

I’ve seen Saw, Saw 2, Saw 3 and Saw 5. I didn’t deliberately skip 4, I just really didn’t like 3 and then 5 was on TV. I didn’t get what was going on at all. Anyway, if this Saw-related blog is inaccurate, that’s why.

The series seemed to dwindle in popularity after the third one. I’m amazed that it made it all the way to a seventh, because I have no idea who was watching them.

I think the the whole series could have been reinvigorated if they’d released a one-off comedy film, where instead of having flawed people face deadly tasks, annoying people faced mildly irritating situations.

For example, I’d like to see a man wake up in a pitch black room with no shoes on. He’s welcome to leave via a door which he has to fumble around for, but the floor is littered with lego pieces and upturned plugs! Muhahaha!

Another room could be designed like a train carriage. The room is locked, and the prisoner is accompanied by a fat, smelly person. The prisoner can only get out if they endure three hours of the fat person loudly eating, scratching and sniffing. Ooh! And they have a loud baby that cries on and off. Imagine the horror!

A third prisoner may escape if he cleans a room. However, there is an odd smell and he just can’t work out where it’s coming from. It could turn out to be a sausage roll trapped in an unreachable spot behind a boiling hot radiator or something.

A final room would just contain a prisoner. They wouldn’t have to do anything except wait two hours until the door opens, but they have been dressed in a tshirt with a particularly irritating label which itches them on every movement. Also, it’s just a teeny bit too tight around the neck. If they take the tshirt off they get gassed.

I was going to write more of these but I’m becoming terrified that this happened in one of the Scary Movies or something similar. If it did, I are ashame.